Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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