Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
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I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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