Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize