I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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