just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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