if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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