Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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