ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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