A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize