You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize