So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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