Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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