im about as happy as oj after his trial
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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