Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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