He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
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i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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