Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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