U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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