dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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