You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Congratulations! We have a period
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