hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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