i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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