Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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