3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize