pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize