I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize