Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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