Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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