wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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