my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize