we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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