Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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