and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize