dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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