It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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