make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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