Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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