I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
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well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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