Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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