This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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