She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize