I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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