I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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