can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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