that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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