Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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