overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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