I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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