he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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