A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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