And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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